|Cutting and arranging raindrops--made from watercolor on paper and vintage papers|
|Layered background with vintage notebook paper and coffee-stained paper|
|Finishing up the details on the feathers of my red patchwork winged heart|
I feel kind of like a record stuck on repeat. I'm really happy with the progress I'm making on these two collages (blogged earlier in-progress here and here). But I just feel so stuck, especially in relation to my blog, who I want to be and what I want to give. Do you ever feel that way? The natural progression of what I've been building here is to dig in deeper and keep sharing more of my heart. Instead, it's like I feel myself recoiling, scared that I've shared too much, afraid to break wide-open.
Funny, in this post on my birthday (Groundhog's Day) I referred to "seeing my shadow," or I said that my relative silence on my blog didn't mean that I had seen my shadow, that I wasn't going to run and hide. At that time I didn't realize how perfect a picture this was to describe the way I've been feeling!
This is me NOT running and hiding. Or at least it's a start. Hi, my name is Sarah and I'm afraid of being vulnerable.
Does it make sense in this world, the way we often feel like we're "crying" and "flying" at the same time? This week I cut melancholy blue paper raindrops in between painting delicate wings on a victorious red heart. Does this ever happen to you? Struggle mixes with joy so that it becomes difficult to feel one without the other? Perhaps I've grown weary of telling the story. It's hard work, after all, making yourself vulnerable. Or maybe I'm just weary of words, because the paint and paper are bigger comforts than ever. But somehow, I have been called to use these words too, as raw as it often leaves me. So vulnerable I will be, even if it means fighting for it.
More on Monday, friends...
Linking up with Studio JRU, Paint Party