One year ago today my husband and I boarded a plane for Germany with our nine-month-old and 21-month-old in tow. Looking at these photos today, marveling over how my girls were still just babies last year, it strikes me how wide-eyed and innocent their mommy and daddy were on that day too.
We left to make a new home far, far away without leaving many breadcrumbs at all--we sold or donated most of our possessions and found renters for our house. We didn't even pencil in a date for our return.
And the breadcrumbs that we did scatter around in hopes to keep some sort of connection with our "other" home? A few boxes of books and toys and clothes waiting to be sent across the globe, favorite photos, quilts, dishes--just "stuff," some of which I treasure as reminders of the people and places I love, and some of which have become surprisingly stale--I wonder why I thought I couldn't live without them. And of course, some of the breadcrumbs were lost completely--a "most important" box destroyed in the post and only some of my art supplies recovered. I am a collector; I love pretty things, and especially pretty things that embody memories. But I realize now how tightly I was holding onto these things.
I couldn't follow that path back home anyhow, when I was trapped, like Hansel and Gretel, in the witch's house--a place of manipulation and lies. You know the place I mean? The one where you lose heart, give up the fight for true joy, and nearly consent to being baked into a lifeless cookie with a plastered-on-smile to adorn a crumbling gingerbread house?
No, the breadcrumbs couldn't help. But the people they reminded me of could. I needed Someone to give me the strength to fight back, to refuse to let the witch turn me into a lifeless shell of myself. I needed someone to rescue me.
|Artwork by Eloise Wilkin|
I can trust Him completely, even when it feels like's I'm lost in the forest. It's just that He knows that sometimes I need to wander around in the dark for a while in order to learn how to let go of the things that are keeping me there. And to re-experience the wonder of the dawn. But He will always send someone to lead me back home.
|Artwork by Migy Blanco|